I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
