thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
