I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
