the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
