who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Found your dick twin last night
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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