After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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