I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
