Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
