Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
