so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
