HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
