If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
