Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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