I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
