I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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