I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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