So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
