After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
