I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
