you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
