thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just blew my weed a kiss
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
