u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
