did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
