i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
