he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
