If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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