you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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