So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
