you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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