It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize