Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
