you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
