Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I have post one night stand depression
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
