Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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