My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
