Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i dont even know how to be here
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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