Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
