They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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