I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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