she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
