I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
