I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
