apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This is the high leading the old right now
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
