You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
