I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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