: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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