OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
