He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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