i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
