Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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