i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
