I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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