i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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