What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
