I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
