I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
