I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
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I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
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