god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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