i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
