I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
