Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
