Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
