wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That accounts for only three of the penises
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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