I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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